- Crotchrocket: Scrabble is cheating, giving you two turns in a row
- Crotchrocket: I will still beat you by a million points though
- AntiKris: Eat my fuck
- AntiKris: I hope you get ball bugs
- Crotchrocket: I hope you get balls
What’s my reaction to this? I dont have one. I could correct the spelling of “poon” or talk shit about you covering a song of a band you dont like, or I can focus on the fact that you just made me laugh. I am torn (breaks out into Natalie Embruglia) side note: that hot little aussie stole that song from someone far better, however less attractive.
So I was chatting with a friend complaining about her bloodstains (humming Agent Orange song) and it reminded me of the biggest “date dont” I can think of. …Read More…
I don’t give a shit about your pune-clots leaving snail trail all over your crotch. That’s not the point of this re-blog. What I’m interested in is that this is the third or fourth time I have seen you mentiomn some shitty punk rock band that I grew up listening to. One of my old bands used to cover Bloodstains.
What’s my point? I don’t have one.
So I was chatting with a friend complaining about her bloodstains (humming Agent Orange song) and it reminded me of the biggest “date dont” I can think of.
I had met this guy years and years ago. Pretty cute, fucked teeth, but tall and thin. He had invited me on a date. He invited me to go hiking. I am not much of a nature person so this wasnt the most appealing date to me, but i thought, “ok, lets try something different”. Unfortunately my good old right of womanhood was knockin at the door, but no worries, with tampons you can do anything…even swim! That is what the commercials will have you believe at least. Tampon commercials LIE!
I go to meet the dude at some random mountain in CT and we begin our hike. I’m all plugged up and at this point still had faith in the tampon. Of course he’s hiking up behind me to protect me in case I fall (such a gentleman). As the hill gets steeper I am having to take wider steps to climb, grabbing onto rocks and whatever twig or branch may save me a plummet of death. Right as we reach the top I realize I am sopping wet. Apparently tampons dont do the trick quite as well when you’re bending and stretching in ways that your body is not meant to move. That 3 hours it was supposed to last ended up being more like 1.5 and I found myself in quite a pickle. Has he noticed? Was he going to say anything? Should I say something? What the fuck?
We ended our hiking adventure with me saying, “oh man I really need to pee”, buying some insane sweater at the gas station (they have sweaters at gas stations?) claiming I was cold, then immediately complaining I was hot, in turn, wrapping sweater around waist and joking about how weird it was that I went from cold to hot so quickly (it was june I think).
Anyway, he never called again.
lesson learned…dont bleed and hike. May not even want to bleed and date.
My IM says I blocked you. i did not block you. I have no idea how to unblock you. It was fun while it lasted. But in all seriousness, on that subject we were just discussing….that chick JUST moved here and was WAILING in tears? Please tell me they knew each other prior to this. Otherwise, the name of women has just become a whole lot crazier. We already have enough to live down ladies, lets not add to the whole “women are crazy” generalization
- Friend: (complaining about her scalp) maybe I have lice
- AntiKris: skldfjlsdkjflksdjf;elkirowejiflksdjflkjslhahahhahahah
- Friend: You know I had it when I was 20
- Friend: I think I got it from some dude I hooked up with
- AntiKris: klsfjlksdflskdjflkjspwoielajiosd
- Friend: Man, it itched like crazy
- Friend: My mom pulled a bug out of my hair, it was so nasty.
- Friend: The best part was buying the shampoo at the drugstore saying to the clerk "I think I got lice from some dude I hooked up with"
- Friend: then some old ass woman in a walker was in my way and it was annoying me so I flung my hair at her in hopes to infect her.
- Friend: My friends were like, "that's SOO fucked up"
You touched a pork sword, just admit it! There’s no taking that one back.
1. If you read that diary all the way through, remember that I did not write it, nor did I deposit it word-for-word in your dashboard.
2. I am all for progressive sexual interests, but to be clear, I never touched a dude in bed. He was in the same room. It was like a team shower after football practice, plus one of the cheerleaders.
3. I understand why all of you Internet people might be a little unsettled. It’s not like you’ve ever had sex before.
i just stepped outside to have a smoke and there was a woman having a full on argument with herself while waiting for the bus. My coworker who is getting funnier by the day says to her “Are you going to let her talk to you that way?!”
If this is what I think it is…I’ve officially just been disgusted. I talk about my turds but THIS has managed to disgust me. I also agree with nudawn…although I have a plethora of penis’ in my past, I am a fucking prude. I am ok with being a fucking prude. I was also ok with not knowing about your cock size or details on how you did it with a dude. xx AntiKris
Chaya, an offer: you can have sex with me and endlessly repeat my name on the Internet or spread obvious references to my bedroom abilities that all my friends read, and I totally won’t mind! I have references.
1. i never needed to know this much about you. i bow to the overshare-y gods and pray that you, or any other tumblr, does not ever reveal this much to me ever again.
2. sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken. i may look like a whore and talk like a whore, but shit, the more i learn about other people’s sex lives, the more i realize i’m practically a virgin. i should just join a goddamn nunnary right now.
3. unless you write a sex column, why in gods name would you want to tell everyone this. i get telling your friends. but why would you want the world to know this? its so fucking self indulgent and masturbatory it makes me sick.
Tonight I leave for VA to see the family. I am so excited even though the weather is not looking too appealing. I am bringing the newbie who is probably still sleeping in my bed (so fucking jealous). It is always so relaxing for me to go visit the family. I lay around the pool like a slug, drink margaritas and eat like it’s going out of style. I really need this break. I am hoping that my days will be filled with things to do other than blogging, so I wish everyone a good, long weekend. Dont drink and drive, kids!
I am not sure who wrote this because it’s difficult for me to tell who reblogs what but…
“the past few days have made me wonder if people on tumblr are the most thin-skinned online diarists i’ve ever seen. and i’ve been on diaryland. and seen webrings. god, i’ve had a livejournal for like NINE YEARS. ffs, own what you write and know that putting yourself “out there” may result in you having to defend your words and actions in a manner that goes beyond mau-mauing about “haters.” who knows, you may learn somehing!
Thin skinned I am not. On the contrary, one of my favorite activities is listening to my family and friends go on about what an enormous dick I am. Laughing at myself is something I do well and do often. Usually I just ignore what’s written or even get a giggle out of it. Some of the “haters” are actually funny. Some are just flat out dumb. Some are like the mean kid in school who points and laughs at the fat kid in dodgeball. Yesterday it was my turn to be in a snarky mood, and call an asshole an asshole. If they’re allowed that honor than most certainly the pickees can pick on the pickers every now and then. Is all not fair in the world of blog and war? There’s just so many of the copycats now that it’s become unfunny like a Ben Stiller movie. If you’re going to come with the cuts, cut deep or dont cut at all.xx AntiKris