The AntiKris

2009

December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January

2008

December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January

Now that I've finally got my computer...

I can resume with my usual Sunday insomnia wikipedia research of the most random, absurd, and...
Jun 1st
Good God.  I’d blow you and then do your...
Jun 1st
I know this chick is already a big hit…but I dont...
Jun 1st
The sky was amazing on Friday
Jun 1st
Am I the only one who wants to kick Jada Pinkett-Smith in her holiest of holes?  
Jun 1st

On my Target purchases

AntiKris: (wearing new bikini) Look, I got a new bikini!
Roommate: Wow! You have NO BOOBS!
AntiKris: makes sad face
Roommate: No, it looks great, I could just never wear something like that. You're lucky you dont have boobs
AntiKris: Still making sad face
Jun 1st
(via sophiniesom)
May 31st

Dear Feld

Sorry Mo and I didnt text when we “came back into the city”.  That’s because in...
May 31st
May 31st
How horrible are these glasses?  I love them.  I lost them...
May 30th
GPOYS.  The first pic on my new macbook.  Feld is about to...
May 30th
“Last night was a doozy for this joozy”
— Krucoff
May 30th
And most importantly….I love my Jameson
May 30th
I love my Mo…..and my HUGE FUCKING LIPS. WTF?
May 30th
I love my Krucoff
May 30th
I love my Orell. 
May 30th
And all it took was head from Orell
May 30th
May 30th
May 30th
May 30th
“You’re not supposed to eat the gum in the blowpop,...”
— My roommate to me. ...
May 29th

And for the fucking love of God

Will someone I know who is not a complete moron like me please come over soon and show me how to use...
May 29th
This would be an automatic defriend stfuparents: Just a...
May 29th
Well when someone’s dick is the size of a tadpole, a...
May 29th
Warch Watch
If it is going to be that kind of party I will most certainly stick my dick in the taters
May 29th
nudawn:hydeordie: Who took pics after I had sex last?! ...
May 29th
Listen to this MWIMS
May 29th
“That’s an adorable spider.”
— David (via josh) ...
May 29th
No Rachel, but I’ll let ya throw your hallway down...
May 29th

I wont let it ruin my day but.......

I have one hell of a head cold.  Last night my head was about to explode and I ran out of my beloved...
May 29th
Tonight.
May 29th
Love and sex is the best relationship movie. Cheese sandwich, peeps
May 29th

DONT YOU BUY THAT BOOK MWIMS

May 28th
Dear Matt who is married Smith.  How bout I just mail you a...
May 28th
deleteyourself: It’s hard to get laid, so when you do, take...
May 28th

Let me reiterate....

If you must use “lol” following your joke, your joke sucks. (pulling my fucking hair...
May 28th
Warch Watch
Currently Listening to:
May 28th
This turns me on, but I am looking for more than a shell of...
May 28th
folkinz: jodie sweetin, better know as stephanie tanner from...
May 28th
I will volunteer to help you on this iChat...
May 27th

FUCK YOU, ORELL

AntiKris: (in response to an email about him shaving his head on Friday) You're going to look like a penis! Albeit, a caring penis
Orell: Suprised you still know what one looks like!
Orell: Zing!
AntiKris: sdlkjf;sdjklfghl;kasrlkjsehfkjjhsakfjljksdfkjlsdkljf
AntiKris: FUCK YOU!
AntiKris: I'm blogging this
May 27th

Here's the deal.

I have the money for my new computer.  I’ve HAD the money for my new computer.  I have been...
May 27th

New rule:

And I will add to this by saying.  If you are my facebook friend and I see you’ve become a fan...
May 27th
biancarocksout: Sometimes it doesn’t connect. Sometimes you...
May 27th

I know it is only supposed to be in the...

But I am in DIRE NEED of a tan.  I am sickly looking.  I have decided Saturday is going to be a...
May 27th
feistyred:sergeantkero: Ok.  So I guess I AM the only one...
May 27th
This pic makes me think of my friend V.  Miss you, bitch.  ...
May 27th
Welcome to my twitter. :) jgh: LOVE.
May 27th
Man, Roseanne needs a new stylist jgh: Overrated? Or...
May 27th

Things you shouldnt have to do after 25

Read something on the internet telling you how to act.  If you dont know what it means to be a...
May 27th
Rent my friend's awesome, rent stabilized...
May 27th
GPOYW.  The Igor pinching my fake, water balloon titty...
May 27th
themattsmith:thedailywhat: [via.] I would have...
May 27th

And I see all I've missed.......

is people posting a bunch of movie posters. 
May 27th
lomo:realreason:
May 27th

How did I spend my Memorial Day Weekend?

Friday was great.  I took Zuki to the dog park, had some dinner at an outdoor cafe and was home by a...
May 25th
Zuki is on my clean sheets
May 23rd
May 23rd
I am off to get Zuki now.  I’ll be lingering around Thompkins Park around 5.  Holla
May 22nd
This was me yesterday.  PMS is gone…I am a semi decent...
May 22nd

Ok, this cant be ignored

I have to pickup Rex’s Dog from a Dog Spa and she’s staying under an assumed name
May 22nd

Ha Ha

No bars for me.  I am a mom this weekend.  I got Zuki!!!!! feistyred:antikris: You guys all have...
May 22nd

Ha Ha

You guys all have hangovers! 
May 22nd

I have to spend a lot of money.

I am also going to get mine next week.  We should have a date at the Apple Store.  caro: Last...
May 22nd
AntiKris’ Douchebag of the Day.  Crotchrocket.  Why? ...
May 22nd
A sign of what’s to come.  (Zuki raised my tumblrarity...
May 21st
Instant mood lift.  I GET TO WATCH ZUKI THIS WEEKEND!!!!!
May 21st
“I cant wait for your period to be over”
— Brian Van Get in...
May 21st
Eat a Dick I think it’s Bag Coffee who says “I’ll stop when I want to”. My...
May 21st

You know....

I know I speak of poo to friends and family, but I dont often go over BMs at work.  It’s...
May 21st

What is Tumblr?

- A place to worship or despise anyone who works or has worked for Gawker. -A place to post your...
May 21st
Frangry & Pankake: Get a Tripod, You Two
May 21st
GPOYW.  The I still dont have a computer but should soon...
May 20th
Blakeley and Jess hosting 'The Webutante...
May 20th

Someone needs to do a "this thing looks...

With Kia’s hot piece and Nate Dog. 
May 20th
“Look, I realize I’m no catch. I’m a big fat lady with an ok...”
— Kia Matthews Restoring my...
May 20th
Hells no.  Reblogging before you can delete cause it’s...
May 20th
Call me a stick in the mud, but I dont know that I’d...
May 20th
deleteyourself: NATE DOGG IS 850LBS?!?!?!?...
May 20th
shannonmurf: (via B L R) OLD BIKE PLANTER—-Explored 
May 20th
To the girl (he thinks your name is Sarah) who recognized my ex last night because of my...
May 20th
GPOYW.  The Mr. Pringles and I version.  Miss this fool.
May 20th
I did my second morning workout today.  I dont want to pat myself on the back all that much because...
May 20th
My boss is on his way here for a meeting. FML.  Usually we are lucky enough to be...
May 20th
I didnt accuse anyone, shitbag….like I’d remember anything from that night.  It was said...
May 20th

You know what sucks....

When I have been without a home computer since 4/23 and I havent missed shit on Tumblr. ...
May 20th
Holy fuck I need a tan like Hollywood Tan’s business. ...
May 20th
whiteleatherpalace:lindsayloo86:visualizeus:ogo.jpg ...
May 19th
GPOMYNEWDRESST. 
May 19th

Shitheads

youngmanhattanite started following you
May 18th
“I will take classic style over hamper vomit any day.”
— Mo
May 18th
dhk: if we had any balls we’d pull a CB. Loaf, become a...
May 18th
Her: [redacted] has 11 fingernails
AntiKris: Gross
AntiKris: How
Her: he has 10 fingers with 2 nails on one finger
AntiKris: That's disgusting.
AntiKris: I once dumped a guy who had a weird birthmark with hair growing out of it
May 18th
For Mo peterwknox:icanread:(via littlemiss)
May 18th
hahahaha….awesome realrealsoft: for antikris, look...
May 18th
Um, who’s the tall drink of water in the back?  We...
May 18th
themattsmith:realrealsoft: ha ha! it took me a minute.
May 18th
Only if you liken your vagina to a dry, dusty, isolated no...
May 18th
me: OMG
me: MY EYES
me: MY EYES
me: THEYRE BURNING
AntiKris: ?
AntiKris: oh
me: THAT PICTURE
AntiKris: hahahha
me: A;LDFA;SLDKFJA;SLDFSA;D
me: is that a coconut between his legs
me: or is he just happy to see her
AntiKris: well his balls sure are
AntiKris: i dont know about that extra bit of skin he calls a dick
me: i miss you
May 18th
I’m sorry I missed this party.  Looks like a saggin...
May 18th

STFU Julia Allison. It's too early in...

May 18th
“Sometimes I wish Peter Feld had IM so I’d get to hear...”
— AntiKris
May 18th
I joined the gym to channel my anger associated with...
May 18th
I’m not even mayor of my own apartment.  I need to get my life in order.
May 18th
I think Tumblr is more like the dealer who once gives you the best herb you’ve had in a while,...
May 18th
krispayne:evrt: Andreas Gefeller has created a stunning...
May 18th
We have a table on the roof at studio b tonight. Who want to come?
May 16th
I’ve been awake for two hours and gotten delivery from my bodega twice. I’m going to the...
May 16th
Sometimes I love my coworker so much.  I hear him on the phone right now with a customer and he says...
May 15th
“Bend over, I want to show you something”
— The personal trainer I had a...
May 15th
Well hello there, lover.
May 15th

Michael Orell will blow you if you like...

May 15th
SOTL=automatic reblog deltafoxtrot:suicideblonde: “You...
May 15th

I feel like I am in the Twilight Zone

Sometimes the situations I allow myself to be part of just dont make any fucking sense.  I am a...
May 15th
GPOYF.  Because since my macbook is broken I have to wait...
May 15th
zachlinder: Wild Things Cake. [via We Love You So]
May 15th
I guess you shouldnt call Tumblr lame.  Your tumbrlidiocy score plummets.
May 15th
“The more people I meet, the better I like my cat”
— AntiKris (i think someone else...
May 15th

First things first.

My tumblrshitty score cut in half in a day.  Fuck you tumblr for making me feel like the last kid...
May 15th
shit, i just got laid off
May 13th

Verizon Wireless peeps

Anybody have a Blackberry (newer model) they’d like to sell me?  I’ve damaged the hell...
May 13th

and PMS week begins......

Quite honestly…I am getting tired of the scene.  I love going to parties to meet people, and...
May 13th

So I'm done with the back-to-back...

I am obsessed with serial killers.  While I already did know quite a bit about The Zodiac; being a...
May 13th
“Your balls are dumb”
— AntiKris
May 12th
First LOL of the day deleteyourself: I haaaate when that...
May 12th
Fag tdx: One would reckon that at this point in the product...
May 12th

104 seconds into launch.......

And the shuttle already has a scratch.  That’s like driving your shiny new car off the lot...
May 12th

It has become apparent...

Well find yourself an “in the meantime” boy.  baxterp: …that I am an “in the meantime”...
May 12th
Mama Lohan and her 40 year old daughter Ali
May 12th
Um.  I know I havent had a computer for a few...
May 12th
Great….now I am horny!
May 12th
The winter of my discontent was hot.  Also looking to up my...
May 12th

Topher

IM me
May 12th
I hope I am this pretty when I am dead seashellhell: St...
May 12th

The last 15 minutes are the hardest.

I get whiskey vag when I try to beat off on when drunk.  If I were a dude and I dated myself…I...
May 12th

Shit day

I woke up in a good spot…snuggling under my covers with sunshine beaming in.  The day begins. ...
May 12th
Reblogged for the title.  josh: Vote for my friends to get...
May 12th

The Media DYING

fimoculous: Fuck these media bowling league things. Carney is putting together a boxing league....
May 11th

On farting

There is this gross, weird dude who works here who just walks around farting out in the open like...
May 11th
I like that someone made a tumblarity sucks...
May 11th

Check out my friend's music blog

Boomboomchik Really, go check it out
May 11th

Fuck you, lady

I work in the worst location as far as coffee and food goes.  I just went up to this whore who has a...
May 11th
peterfeld: Gawker: Montauk Monster Washes Up Again
May 11th
brianvan: hahahaha 
May 11th

You know what's awesome

When you’ve had a shit month or so and your best friend of 16 years springs on you that...
May 9th
GPOYF.  The last night version.
May 8th

So I just sent this email

“This is going to sound odd, but did you dress in drag and come to the tumblr party?”
May 8th
(via blakeley) Nathan looks like a serial killer
May 8th
I am glad that my lack of getting laid is amusing all of Tumblr today.  Dont say I never did...
May 8th
It’s a good thing I dont remember really anything after 10pm because it sounds like I didnt...
May 8th
I woke up feeling fine.  I sit here now after some lunch, a shit ton of water, and coffee feeling as...
May 8th

Texting Topher

Ok, I deleted my sent texts last night or something….but I would like to know what prompted...
May 8th
philosoraptor:deleteyourself: First LOL of the day
May 8th

Realizations about last night

Not going to anymore open bar parties.  Just because it’s on someone else doesnt mean you need...
May 8th
Regarding someone’s drunk, big, lie spreading mouth last night.  All statements are and will...
May 8th
Stop flirting with me, Dave tdx: antikris: I hate cab drivers. I get in, tell him where to go and...
May 8th
I hate cab drivers. I get in, tell him where to go and he says ‘i dont know that is a lot of...
May 7th
Warch Watch
In honor of today’s lameness. Lady Gaga-The Fame
May 7th
“There’s shit on the men’s room floor.”
— Coworker WTF?!
May 7th
Blog pop:  The act of having sex with someone who has a blog.  (in which case “wrapper”...
May 7th
jgh: This for all the childless bitches in the hizzouse
May 7th
That was supposed to say “blow pop” but I think “blog pop” works
May 7th
Trying to quit smoking is really hard.  I almost started crying because I couldnt get the plastic...
May 7th
Sorry….I havent cruised the celeb sites for a while.. ...
May 7th
And in today’s edition of “put it the fuck back...
May 7th
If I were her, I’d be like “CYA!!”.  Oof. ...
May 7th
Having a long neck is elegant.  Having an E.T. neck is not.
May 7th
Does my tumblraty score reflect fact that my phone is ringing less lately or is that just because...
May 7th

It's not even 3 and I want to shoot...

nudawn:antikris:nudawn: (via antikris) i know some guys that can take care of that for you...
May 7th
“I left a comment on his facebook saying “your wife is...”
— My 60 year old coworker (who...
May 7th

It's not even 3 and I want to shoot...

nudawn: (via antikris) i know some guys that can take care of that for you tonight. oh! you mean...
May 7th
It’s a good thing I broke up with dude 7 years ago or so.  If we look back to...
May 7th

It's not even 3 and I want to shoot...

May 7th
“Athletes taking steroids to play better is just like girls...”
— AntiKris
May 7th

On expanding the pool

Crotchrocket: maybe you can try some of the less attractive dudes that treat you well. i'm sure you can find some pretty funny ones at least
AntiKris: yeah, but I will want to have sex and I cant do someone I am not attracted to.
AntiKris: My body just doesnt work that way
AntiKris: It would be like when I clean Mao's litter box
AntiKris: I do it because I have to, but it doesnt make it any less gross
Crotchrocket: Yeah, I can see that.
Crotchrocket: It's almost like you have a wiener
May 7th
philosoraptor: First LOL of the day. 
May 7th

Manny Ramirez suspended for 50 games for...

If anyone cares about the Dodgers
May 7th
“I think this charity thing is just a ploy for Orell to get...”
— AntiKris
May 7th
Give my friend Michael money to look odd. xxAntiKris ...
May 7th
blakeley: BREAKING! Oprah KFC Coupon Riot! Fuck Oprah. ...
May 6th
AntiKris: I think people who plan vacations to Disneyland(world) who dont have children are assholes
Her: I went to Disneyworld with my boyfriend last year
AntiKris: Were you just passing through?
Her: No, we had planned the trip for 6 months.
AntiKris: (logs off forever as far as she's concerned)
May 6th
The camera was fastened to an outside rail...
May 6th
I’ve been yelled at to update my twitter more often.  Follow here if you so wish.
May 6th
ragetoons:sujay: First LOL of the day
May 6th

Am I the only person who just fucking...

kiamatthews: This post will self-distruct in some minutes.
May 5th

Ouch.

evillageidiot: Two unfollows today. Harsh! Simmer down, I’m having a rough week at work at life...
May 5th
folkinz: apparently david hasselhoff has been drinking...
May 4th
I never knew I could have so much fun with a girl in bed.
May 4th
acidreams:  ~but33
May 4th

Happy Birthday, Mo!!

May 4th
I am glad there were no photographers at the foot of the bed...
May 4th

Please tell me someone got a picture of...

baxterp: (via fusioned) Could I miss that precious moment?  Of course not.
May 4th
Sorry to bore everyone with stories of my building fire but it’s what’s going on right...
May 4th
Ridin’ that pony.
May 4th

Dear Stepdad

Dont tell Mom about fire.  She’ll flip and then I will have to hear an hour long conversation...
May 4th

Odd smells

Now one would expect to have new smells after a fire 100 feet away, but i didnt expect my apartment...
May 4th
The floor above me is soaked in about 3 inches of water.  It’s seeping onto my floor. ...
May 4th
May 4th
My building is on fire.  Mao and I are fine….a bit shaken, but fine.  The fire was on the...
May 4th
May 4th
“I keep tripping and falling on his cock”
— AntiKris (I need to learn to...
May 2nd