The AntiKris

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themattsmith: New Edition : Candy Girl Friday.

Jul 31st

Well, at least he's honest. Still no...

My, name is [redacted]… I came to US 13 years ago from latvia and english obviously my second...

Jul 31st

peterwknox:notthatkindagay: I walked outside for the first...

Jul 31st

It's Friday!!!!!!!

Jul 31st

“She has to tell me when she has fungus because I promised...”
— [redacted] talking about...

Jul 31st

(via skeetonmischa) Best season ever!

Jul 31st

It’s what’s for dinner…..

Jul 31st

themattsmith:ninjapants: It’s science.

Jul 30th

Enough is enough

STFUMARRIED/PARENT chick is now quoting scripture for her status message. I think it is time to...

Jul 30th

Trying to snap myself out of a strange...

Jul 30th

Krucoff, this is even too out there for me.  So are these readings done pre or post sex?  I know my...

Jul 30th

Listen

ohhleary:hellokatie: Unwritten Law - Seeing Red Well I can confess, I don’t know what to make...

Jul 30th

I take back that “I’d still bang him”...

Jul 30th

GPOYW.  The Nikon D300 I am holding as collateral version....

Jul 30th

Take note

Jul 30th

Lover, this bitch looks like my redneck cousin from Florida...

Jul 30th

Another conversation ruined because she steals wireless from...

Jul 30th

tylercoates:katiebakes:andrearosen: “No one has it harder...

Jul 30th

“Jesus Crust, I think I may have had too much Woodbridge...”
— AntiKris

Jul 30th

I’d still bang him.  It’d give you this whole...

Jul 30th

Watch

And speaking of the Jacksons…remember Janet circa Love Will Never Do era?  Holy OMG I’d...

Jul 30th

Watch

May I just remind everyone…even when he was a possibly child molesting, definite...

Jul 30th

Wow

So I am actually offended by something on TV.   I am watching The Jackson’s on VH1 right now....

Jul 30th

This is my new period picture.  Fuck The Shining elevator...

Jul 30th

Whatever dude, my eyes are way prettier justsayjolie: My...

Jul 30th

You’ve been reading too much Dr. Loose is more like...

Jul 29th

Sure glad I live on the boarder of hip

peterfeld: Not going out west of 3rd Avenue is the new not going north of 14th Street (which also...

Jul 29th

caro: I saw this movie the weekend it opened and for once...

Jul 29th

Dear Ned

You’re responsible for my first LOL of the day.  Thanks for the email. xx AntiKris

Jul 29th

For the record….every idiot that emails me pretty much...

Jul 29th

Dear Christian Bale, You are a wonderful actor.  The...

Jul 29th

To be fair......

Quite honestly, I have no idea what I want.  I mean, I know I don’t want any of the dudes who have...

Jul 29th

The towel is being thrown.....

My online dating excursion has been a fucking fiasco.  Seriously, the whole process is making me...

Jul 29th

Um, hold the phone

Did my secretary just come into my office and fart?  Yes, she totally did

Jul 29th

GPOYW.  The disapproving stepmom does not approve version. ...

Jul 29th

“He has worse mood swings than a 100 PMSing women”
— Mo

Jul 27th

Prospect park band shell

Jul 26th

Jul 26th

fimoculous: You’ll Be a Woman, Soon Zuki got fixed...

Jul 24th

Watch

baxterp: It’s Friday!  I’m outta here shortly… In the meantime, D.A.N.C.E.!

Jul 24th

“We could like, have a picnic without alcohol. It’s...”
— Mo’s Brother on the...

Jul 24th

baxterp:(via) Holy cow. File under development projects...

Jul 23rd

davidtrawin: This asshole earns about $1000 dollars a day...

Jul 23rd

I dont know why, but this made me crack up poortaste: Fuck...

Jul 23rd

GPOYW.  The sweating my ass off and sticking my tongue out...

Jul 23rd

Why do you think I havent hung out with you since you shaved...

Jul 22nd

“This dude I went out with way back had a Glock 9…he...”
— AntiKris

Jul 22nd

I have no problem saying...

Jul 22nd

I fucking give up

Him: suppp girl hollertatcherboii
Me: are you serious
Him: pretty straightfoward
Him: what do you think?
Me: your vernacular is impressive
Me: (i'll give you a moment to look up "vernacular")

Jul 22nd

frangry: From Wanda to Oscar.

Jul 22nd

christinahaberkern:theduty: This should be what I write on...

Jul 22nd

I just had to leave this on my dating...

Attention: I know most of you dont actually read my requirements, but I am serious about age,...

Jul 22nd

baxterp: I appreciate Ed Hardy in the same way I appreciate...

Jul 22nd

Bah bah bah bah bah bah buuutter face….

Jul 22nd

Watch

and if I ever get married…..this is my song

Jul 22nd

Watch

Fuck, I am in love all over again.  I am totally listening to this next time I convince some poor...

Jul 22nd

Watch

In case anyone was asking….The Raveonettes is the best to do it to

Jul 22nd

She's so hot and I will make her mine on...

Jul 22nd

Watch

THE RAVEONETTES ARE COMING! THE RAVEONETTES ARE COMING!!  10/14.  Tickets on sale on Friday.  ZOMG....

Jul 22nd

“Why isnt there a “block” feature on real life”
— AntiKris

Jul 21st

ULTIMATE DATE SERIES!

Is this segment targeting 13 year olds?  How bout some good ol anal?  Usually that’ll spice up...

Jul 21st

Dearest Tumblr.......

I think we all know it’s fucking raining. Get a grip with the iPhone weather screenshots or...

Jul 21st

There are some people in your life whom no matter how hard...

Jul 21st

Jul 20th

(via shetbag) First LOL of the day.  I would be a terrible...

Jul 20th

Not to get all STFUExpectantParent,

Dear MWIMS, There is nothing wrong with being excited, sharing a very important moment in your...

Jul 20th

“Has a Tumblr, doesn’t want Tumblr drama”
— Orell reasons why the palm...

Jul 20th

On Vaginas

Her: I havent got any in a month.
Her: I think my hole may close up
AntiKris: After two kids?
AntiKris: Doubtful
Her: Oh F.U.

Jul 20th

blackmariah:suicideblonde: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless...

Jul 20th

“you sound like a shit salesman with a mouthful of samples”
— kevin

Jul 19th

Watch

Currently Watching: Death at a Funeral. HILARIOUS

Jul 19th

My phone is about to die. Come to the roof of cha cha’s in coney island for the dt magazine...

Jul 18th

nickmcglynn: Spencer Pratt Toilet Paper…

Jul 18th

This sounds like me when I am PMSing

THERE IS NO DANA ONLY ZUEL.
What a lovely singing voice you must have.

Jul 17th

Workin hard

Jul 17th

Jul 17th

Even at face I FAIL.  This program is going to drive me to...

Jul 17th

On getting old

Jul 16th

Everything seems in order here look Kia, you’re right...

Jul 16th

trooandroo: Had to make some educated guesses with this...

Jul 16th

trooandroo: Look, I know the picture isn’t straight on. But...

Jul 16th

GPO Mo, Valerie, Tesfa, Lisa, Me, and Nick.  Mo took this...

Jul 16th

“Kris, half of what you post about is your last bowel...”
— Soup Probably.  Ever heard...

Jul 16th

To clarify...

I know having children is HUGE.  So huge that I may never understand the hugeness of it.  I know...

Jul 16th

Yes,YM….it is due soon. PMS week 7/16-21 Mark your...

Jul 16th

You know what?! I dont care who this...

There should be a seperate facebook for SAHMs (stay at home moms).  I cant stop hate following a few...

Jul 16th

Madonna’s stage in London collapses killing one person...

Jul 16th

themattsmith:khrushchev: If someone offered me a slice of...

Jul 15th

Who you see when you see the...

katiebakes: From the inbox: friend of Ramble WDC once again shows why he needs to start a...

Jul 15th

GPOYW.  The wearing the same fucking outfit I wore last...

Jul 15th

Male vs Female opinions

AntiKris: (sends pic of mutual friend's boob job) [redacted's] boob job scares me. She looked better in high school when she was flat
Crotchrocket: They look like beautiful milk pillows to me
AntiKris: Gross
AntiKris: They look like cones
CR: They look nice to me
AK: You're an idiot
CR: Ask some more dudes to see who the idiot really is.

Jul 15th

Progress at Ground Zero after almost 8 years.  May I remind...

Jul 15th

Jul 15th

Response to the concert tonight

I think most are meeting in the back part of the Great Lawn near Delacorte Theater.  If you have my...

Jul 14th

Philharmonic in the Park

Who’s going tonight?  I am totally down and cant seem to find anyone who is available to go...

Jul 14th

“I always, ALWAYS tear up at the end of the movie version of...”
— Kia Matthews Kia, this is...

Jul 14th

soupsoup: New York Philharmonic Concerts In The Park July...

Jul 13th

Watch

I hope my Central Park NY Philharmonic experience is like this one.

Jul 13th

the my so called life effect

brianvan:jaimeleighfairbrother: I blame Jordan Catalano for my life of loving dudes who: appear...

Jul 13th

I hate that fucking story about the...

What story?  I guess I am lucky for not having to read it.  All I know is when these mother fuckers...

Jul 13th

(via ragetoons) First LOL of the day.  Well this is...

Jul 13th

I WILL kick your ass.  See muscles.  baxterp: Innocent lawn...

Jul 13th

Good day!!! nickmcglynn: Hanging out in Prospect Park!

Jul 13th

Jolie

I’m stealing your gay

Jul 12th

deleteyourself: Best FUUUUUUUU comic by a long shot.

Jul 12th

“Maybe I should have sex tonight so I can exfoliate the...”
— AntiKris on having sand in...

Jul 12th

Jul 11th

Some dude who is just FAIL FAIL FAIL and trying to redeem himself just told me he thinks I look like...

Jul 11th

Currently Watching: The Whackness Loving this movie.  Ben...

Jul 10th

I am going to kill myself

Email from dating site from someone named Chuchaso: “heyyyyyy werent you that gurl in...

Jul 10th

Well, that's telling.

Reason 12 why I love Kate miltnr: I was looking at some of my followers on Twitter, and noticed...

Jul 10th

“so i found out the other day that the 20 year old that i had...”
— Crotchrocket

Jul 10th

Crotchrocket returns from AU

AntiKris: I have HORRIBLE breath
AntiKris: I had tons of raw onions in my salad
Crotch: haha
Crotch: I hope you get hit on by the hottest guy on your way home from work
AntiKris: you're not very nice
Crotch: I know
AntiKris: I hope you are about to have sex with the hottest chick ever and get whisky dick
Crotch: Man, whisky dick sucks

Jul 10th

Because I reblogged correctly? youngmanhattanite: We’ll give $100 to the first person who can tell...

Jul 10th

I have absolutely no desire to go see Bruno.  This guy’s slapstick style comedy completely...

Jul 10th

“Whether or not you like the people you are mixing with...”
— Verizon Wireless...

Jul 10th

Just saw this….anger is universal.  (via ragetoons)

Jul 10th

I give a fuck, it's Friday. Enjoy

Jul 10th

Facebook: You're doing it wrong.

I have the shitty LG Dare (wannabe iPhone) with Verizon Wireless.  My mobile uploads thingy isnt...

Jul 10th

On low class drinking.....

I have mentioned this before, and I will mention it again.  Deal with it.  Having this part time job...

Jul 10th

brianvan: Kris came up with this, and I executed it. Had to...

Jul 10th

“Tell him he’s one hoof away from being an asshole”
— Date on what I should tell...

Jul 9th

Flirt FAIL

Online douche: Well you're just a couple of whiskers away from a fox
AntiKris: Did you really just say that?
Douche: yes, was that bad?
AntiKris: How many times have you used that line
AntiKris: And more importantly, how many times has it worked?
Douche: Bitch

Jul 9th

deleteyourself: I started taking creatine today to be a...

Jul 9th

I miss Frangry

AntiKris: Ugh! This dude I met online is yammering on about surfing even after I've told him I dont surf
AntiKris: but he's nice so I cant just block him.
AntiKris: Oof. He just dropped the "I live in LI" ball.
AntiKris: That's my cue
Frangry: Back out slowly
Frangry: As if it were a bear
Frangry: Dont make any sudden movements, Lover

Jul 9th

Of course.  Now that he possibly impregnated chick with his...

Jul 9th

US Olympic figure skater gets caught playing...

Jul 9th

Fuck you Twitter!

I post about not liking Ed Hardy today, now I have an Ed Hardy retailer following me.  Yesterday I...

Jul 9th

I like it.  Shutup, dickwad.  brianvan: August Rush is on TV again… somewhat near the end. I...

Jul 9th

I am pretty pissed that I agree with Bill...

Jul 9th

I would bathe in this brianvan:thephenthouse: Ranch....

Jul 9th

hipsterdiet:attentiondoozers: This ruined my morning.  Boys...

Jul 9th

GPOYW part deux.  Laying in bed, surfin the net, enjoying...

Jul 8th

I am not the mayor of my own apartment, my family’s...

Jul 8th

GPOYW.  The GIVE ME THE GLASSES I STOLE FROM ORELL FAIR AND...

Jul 8th

jeffcagle:tylercoates: This is the most interesting insight into the Michael Jackson memorial I...

Jul 8th

ragetoons: pixelmonki:

Jul 7th

On trying to figure out date night

Him: Maybe we can do a colon cleanse together
AntiKris: Not on a first date.
AntiKris: What kind of girl do you think I am
Him: Oh, I thought you said you were into that on your profile
AntiKris: Well I am
AntiKris: But I'd at least like dinner first
AntiKris: Damn these guys today, no chivalry
Him: Hey, I respect that. If you need time I will wait
AntiKris: Well that is respectful and appreciated.
AntiKris: Believe me, I am worth the wait
AntiKris: You've never seen a cleanse like mine.

Jul 7th

shorterexcerpts:(via creatively-challenged)

Jul 7th

“This funeral is fucking depressing”

Jul 7th

What the Funk?

Is there really a red carpet and press line for the MJ Funeral or am I seeing shit from all the...

Jul 7th

I am probably going to hell for this, but this gives a whole...

Jul 7th

This garbage dump keeps getting worse and worse. ...

Jul 7th

Elizabeth OMFG I CANNOT BELIEVE SHE IS STILL ALIVE Taylor is...

Jul 7th

“Why isnt every talking about Michael Jackson? Isnt his...”
— AntiKris

Jul 7th

I think perhaps Ralph and Beulah need a night out on the town to see who can get into trouble...

Jul 7th

So since my tumblrarity or whatever is in a race with my tiny tits to see who can reach the bottom...

Jul 7th

zachlinder: This Recording is pretty much the best website...

Jul 6th

SOME FUCKING ASSHOLE IS LISTENING TO...

ON THE FUCKING BUS WITH NO HEADPHONES AND I AM ABOUT TO LOSE MY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jul 5th

I look so ready to go home, and I am…Mo captures the...

Jul 5th

Whatever Blakeley

We’re way more fun.  Suck it

Jul 5th

The boobless wonders are trying…..

Jul 4th

shorterexcerpts:(via kapi) *Rimshot*

Jul 4th

I think it is safe to say that we have had too much to drink

Jul 3rd

so this happened…..

Jul 3rd

baxterp: This is some sporadic weather. Rain 20 minutes ago…...

Jul 3rd

Yay! Sun!

Jul 3rd

Jul 3rd

It’s cloudy out.  :(

Jul 3rd

I am ready for a smoke, a beer, and a burger

Jul 2nd

Baltimore (via baxterp)

Jul 2nd

Renaming Frangry on my new Mac

Jul 2nd

I’ve had too many beers prior to boarding the megabus and now I’ve gotta mega pee

Jul 2nd

baxterp: No one is going to accuse AntiKris of not living...

Jul 1st

MEGGGGAAAAAAABUUUUUUUUS!

Jul 1st

GPOYW.  The my Dad and I sitting by the fire version.  Yay,...

Jul 1st

That’s what people say about me ...

Jul 1st