“Fuck mother fucker cock sucking cunt of a ball”
—AntiKris
July 2011
Conversations with my Israeli boss
Me: hey, I need a price
Boss: ok, file number?
Me: 4512374
Boss: oh excuse me (apparently he had just burped and I didn’t hear)
Me: excuse you for what?
Boss: I just barfed
Me: I think you are using the wrong word
FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU YOU’RE COOL FUCK YOU!
It’s that kind of day.
“You have really broadend your Whoreizons”
—MJo
How a boy gossips.....
- Him: Oh, is it just me or are those two the most over the top cheesy, googely, vomitous relationship people you've ever seen? [redacted] has gone from a rough around the edges assbag to the kindest, most sickingly sweet wad of cuddly crap I've ever known. It just doesn't seem realistic. fuc spelling AND grammar. It's 11:15 on Fri.
- Me: WORD UP
On being a good friend
- Me: know that I am here if you want to chat. I know I always seem busy, but I always have time for my friends. You can even call me and scream "you're such a cunt!"
- (if that's what you feel you need to do)
- Him: Really?! I'll do that just for fun, and because you gave me permission.
- I do appreciate the offer. I'm sure I will take you up on that a time or two in the future.
And another gem of an email from the dating site...
Lets meet for mimosas at sunset by the river and enjoy fun conversation with laughter.
Michael
And this guy appears to be straight. See, if he would have said MANmosas….then it would have been a different story.
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Another example of why I do bad at drugs.
I just spent well over an hour searching for the closing song from the last episode of Weeds. I was about to post on a forum asking about it before I remembered that my dumb, high ass has Shazam on her phone. All I had to do is hit rewind on the DVR and hold my little iPhone up to the speaker. BAM!
The song: Disco Bisquits-My Friend
and yes….it was worth it.
And the pick up line of the week is.....
“I bet men random men run up to you all the time and try to suck on your toes.”
You know when you have that “oh shit” moment where you know you’ve done something really dumb? I’ve been having that all day. At first I thought it was the 4 Rita’s I had on an empty stomach last night, but now this is well passed hangover and I still have that feeling in the pit of my stomach. I hate when I do dumb things. I hate that drinking while perioding can be so dangerous. Ugh……
All I can hope for is that Nick McGlynn didn’t capture the moment that I was faux blowing the Gay man.
Upon watching those Bollywood videos I took....
I’ve learned I have the worst laugh on the face of the earth and I am SHOCKED that anyone EVER has wanted to have sex with me. That said, I’m off to watch a comedy
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