The AntiKris

Joy is the realization that there’s a functioning hose on the roof of your apartment building.  Since April I have had an overwhelming presence of sand in my apartment which is so not cool.  It’s in my bed, in the shower, the floor, and in places on my body I wont even get into.  Now I can hose down my board and myself prior to coming into my apartment which is going to make my life a whole hell of a lot more pleasant.  YAY! 

Today I had a long phone conversation with a friend whom I havent talked to in a while.  He of course inquired about my love life to which I had a long-winded rant about all the BS I’ve had to deal with in the past year.  His response “man, you’re cut-throat”

Yeah, I guess I have been kinda cut-throat lately.  I’ve reached a point where I just have zero tolerance for BS.  I think the things I require from a man I am romantically involved with are EXTREMELY minimal, and when those few expectations I have cant be met, I cut the person loose. 

Getting laid used to be so simple.  You’d go on a few dates, have too much to drink, and get naked.  Now I actually have to be mentally stimulated by a person.  A pretty face doesnt win me over like it used to.  

I’m ok with this.  I just hope this dry spell doesnt go on forever because I is cranky, yo.  

I WOULD TEACH ALL THOSE LITTLE BOYS FROM ONE DIRECTION THE BIRDS AND THE BEES. I’M TALKING GIVE EM A FULL ON TEACHIN.  I WOULD TEACH THE SHIT OUT OF THEM. (they’re all over 18, FYI)

“Hi, 

I was born and raised in Egypt, but Have been in NY for the past 14 years. I love massages, both giving and receiving. I’m looking for females who are into massages, to enjoy a relaxing time with. I’m very romantic, educated, clean, d/d free, non smoker, pleasant to be with. 
I am Romantic, sensual, and open minded. 

I’m looking for someone who’s interested in enjoying a nice relaxing full body massage, clean respectful massage, no sex involved or happy ending, or any funny business like that, only clean professional massage. 
I have strong medical background and I enjoy massaging women who appreciate a nice free massage. 
I’m not looking for any long term relationships, I just got out of a break up after 7 years commitment, so I’m not ready for any new commitment yet, so I’ll keep it as friendship and exchanging massages for now. 
I’m making my interests clear, and I hope this won’t turn the nicer women off, I know you women rather have a long term relationship and i understand that, but I’m not ready now, may be down the line, who knows…. 
If you’d like to enjoy a nice relaxing massage, write me back and I promise, you won’t regret it, it will be one of the most enjoyable times you ever had. 
xoxoxo. 
Sam.”

Today I roamed around the city posting flyers for the Paddle For Daisy event and I found all but Quicksilver (whom I thought would give me the hardest time) gave me shit about it. Saturday’s surf shop wouldn’t let me post it anywhere visible and Pilgrim Surf in Williamsburg wouldn’t even let me post it at all. They said it was “too political”. Really?! Too political? An 8 year old girl fighting her 3rd battle with cancer is “too political”?! These stores carry tons of boards made by this girl’s Grandfather, Al Merrick, yet they can’t post a sign for a charity event to raise money for his granddaughter?! Ugh. I’ll be buying my wax from Quicksilver….I suggest you do the same

Making ugly people look good since 2010.  

Don Julio Reposado. Nuff said