On online dating
Another story that may cheer you up if you’re having a bad day, and may also teach you something.
When I moved to the city I didnt know a soul. So what I did in an attempt to meet people, was join match.com. This was back in the pre-jaded days when I thought you could find love for $14.95 a month. What I didnt realize, which I am now wise to…is almost NOBODY represents themselves accurately online. ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT
I went on a date with this one dude. Profile description: Stockbroker (I was dumb and didnt realize that should have been a red flag), 6 foot, slim/slender, funny, etc.
When the dude arrived to whatever gay ass restaurant he had chosen I was quite shocked to see he was shorter than me. (I am 5’6). He was chubby. he had the personality of a cardboard box. A cardboard box with an attitude problem. I love steak. I usually will order the fillet if I am at a nice restaurant, but before I could even look at the menu he grabbed it and said “you’ll be having the fillet”. I didnt say anything. He proceeded throughout the evening to snap his fingers at the waitress, be rude to all the staff, and talk about how much money he made.
I decided halfway through dinner that there was no way I was going to sit through another 30 minutes of this. My issue is; I really hate hurting someone’s feelings, so I didnt want to just up and leave, even though it would have been justified. So what does one do in this dilemma?
I went to the bathroom to freshen up and Eureka! I returned to the table, informed the mega-douche that I had a massive case of diarrhea, thanked him for dinner, and went out to meet someone hotter and better. I even brought the other dude my half eaten fillet in a doggy bag.
So…the lesson learned here is: when in doubt, call it a diarrhea day. Most likely nobody will question you about this as they are not interested in details.
For the record: the douche did try and call me for a second date.
